Blue Velvet Sectional

I may be sad that Mad Men has ended but I am devastated by this one. Ah, David Letterman.  He's why my sense of humour is as warped as it is.  From the moment he started Late Night on NBC, I knew he was great.  It was past my bedtime, and it was a struggle for me to see his show. We had a VCR, but with my stepmother recording every soap opera known to mankind, there was never any videotape left in the house. Mostly, we all pretended that we'd watched it, and recited things we'd heard from older kids. When I went to NYC for the first time, as a teenager in the mid-80s, the coolest thing about Rockefeller Center was that Dave was in there somewhere.  Never mind the architecture or the stores I couldn't possibly afford.  Knowing I was outside the building where Stupid Pet Tricks, Top Ten Lists, The Alka Seltzer Suit, and Stupid Human Tricks happened was practically the highlight of the trip. Late Night was all over the place, which is what I loved.  It...

I finally watched season 3  The Americans . Yes, it's time for another of my Too Late to be Useful TV reviews. I PVRed the first episode in February, (I find it too intense to watch live; I like to sit down on the weekend, when I'm not obsessing about work, and hang with the World's Most Fetching Russian Spies).  I saved up a few episodes, but something happened along the way- my PVR got too full, or I forgot to set record, but I missed an episode.  Well, that was that.  No way I was going to watch any of them until I knew I could see all of them. Last Saturday, FX played the whole season, and I watched it in a very productive 48 hours.  Not my most egregious waste of a weekend -18 Breaking Bads would be the winner.  It's so lovely out all of a sudden, I stopped intermittently to plant some boxwoods and herbs on my balcony, but I still managed to watch them all.

Made you look... Shut up, Peggy. Actually, I am going to talk about cleavage! Oh, Mad Men, how I've missed you. The first of the last episodes aired last Sunday, and I'd say it was worth the wait if the wait hadn't been so ridiculously long. It's now 1970 in New York.  The skirts are short, the suits are loud, and the moustaches are hideous.  Roger looks like an anorexic Captain Kangaroo or Colonel Sanders, a crying shame, since  John Slattery  is so gorgeous under all that misplaced hair.

Peggy is cooler than you and I. Mad Men  starts again tonight, and if anyone offers any spoilers, I will come to your house and toss a glass of Macallan 18 in your face.

I don't generally spend a lot of time watching E!.  I think E! does to your brain what sprinkling lead paint chips on your morning oatmeal for a year would.  (Except  The Soup.   A show where Joel McHale makes fun of garbage TV will always have my heart.) Still, I tuned in to  The Royals.   I'd heard very little about it, except that Elizabeth Hurley was in it, as Queen Helena.  I actually thought it was a comedy, not a Dynasty-esque soap, but for me, this turn of events just makes it funnier.  I can't tell if this show takes itself seriously, or is in on the joke.  In any case, I laughed out loud on several occasions.  I don't think that was the show's intention, but what the hell, if a viewer is having fun, what's the harm, right? And I'm not the only one enjoying herself.  Oh man, Elizabeth Hurley is having fun here.  I really have no idea if she's a good actress or not; she's incredibly beautiful, and I've only ever se...

Okay, I know he's fictional, but Dennis Duffy was one of the funniest things on 30 Rock.  Because of this character, my friends and I started greeting each other with "Hey, dummy!" So, thanks for that. The 30 Rock St. Patrick's Day episode from 2012 is absolutely hilarious.  I noticed on the credits that it was written by someone called Colleen McGuinness.  I thought that was a joke too, since the name sounds like it came from one of those kinda offensive Irish Name Generator  sites -  but no, she's real, according to  IMDb . Let us now celebrate some of the finer points of Dennis Duffy: He was the Beeper King of New York (during the iPhone era)... A beeper and acid wash, in 2007. He solved New York's crippling coffee shortage with his machine at 38th and 6th in the basement of the K-Mart... He's a budding feminist... Aw, thanks, honey! He married Megan Duffy (no relation)... It's St. Patrick's Day?? And the quote that ma...

Do you remember The  Golden Girls ? Of course you do. It was a blur of sex and menopause jokes, wrapped in pastel polyester and propped up by shoulder pads. It started in 1985, and the actresses were, at the time: Bea Arthur (Dorothy): 63 Betty White (Rose): 63 Estelle Getty (Sophia): 62 Rue McClanahan (Blanche): 51. FIFTY ONE!! Here are people who could do a revival, based on these ages: Meryl Streep (she's 65) Goldie Hawn (69!) Susan Sarandon (68) Sheryl Crow (52) This woman is 52.  The bar is high, ladies. And there's more... These lovely women are also in the Golden Girls demographic: Lisa Kudrow is 51.  Julia Louis-Dreyfus is 54! Courteney Cox is FIFTY, y'all. Sharon Stone is 56. Annette Bening 56 Juliane Moore 54 Kirstie Alley 64 Jane Seymour 64 I mean, COME ON! Women in their 50s and 60s look completely different than they did just a generation ago.  I'm sure some older women in the 80s were stylin', but the TV versions were ...

Watching 60 Minutes was a Sunday night family ritual growing up- after dinner, we would settle in the living room to watch Mike Wallace rip some corrupt official a new one,  and I would dream up excuses for Monday morning for why my homework wasn't done.  Another family TV ritual is one I continue alone now, as I don't know a soul who is remotely interested in joining me to watch my not-so-secret shame,  40 year old  Columbo reruns. Come on, Peter Falk was adorable, right? All Columbo episodes end with exasperated killers confessing as the only way to make Peter Falk shut the hell up and stop pestering them.   Peter Falk was a fine actor, and adorable, in his way. His rumpled look actually holds up much better than than you'd think.  The 70s were a particularly cruel decade to men- hello, leisure suits and polyester! - and my GOD, the haircuts!  Columbo had great guest stars. One of my favourite episodes starred the crazy handsome a...