Blue Velvet Sectional

In February, we spent 5 days on Eleuthera before heading over to my Happy Place, Harbour Island.  Yes, I am a creature of habit, and the trip was mostly things we'd done before, but if you are lucky enough to be doing what you want, why change?  After the boat ride from North Eleuthera, we dropped off our stuff at  Runaway Hill , went for lunch at  Queen Conch , and then off to  Rock House so Fluffy the bartender could make me a slammin' Goombay Smash, (my first of many over the next 5 days). We watched the sunset, then strolled back to Runaway along the pink sand beach.  If that doesn't seem like something you would want to do more than once, I don't think we can be friends.  That being said, there was one place on Briland that I had somehow never been to, and wanted to add to my routine- the Ocean View Club . Ocean View Club

I don't generally spend a lot of time watching E!.  I think E! does to your brain what sprinkling lead paint chips on your morning oatmeal for a year would.  (Except  The Soup.   A show where Joel McHale makes fun of garbage TV will always have my heart.) Still, I tuned in to  The Royals.   I'd heard very little about it, except that Elizabeth Hurley was in it, as Queen Helena.  I actually thought it was a comedy, not a Dynasty-esque soap, but for me, this turn of events just makes it funnier.  I can't tell if this show takes itself seriously, or is in on the joke.  In any case, I laughed out loud on several occasions.  I don't think that was the show's intention, but what the hell, if a viewer is having fun, what's the harm, right? And I'm not the only one enjoying herself.  Oh man, Elizabeth Hurley is having fun here.  I really have no idea if she's a good actress or not; she's incredibly beautiful, and I've only ever se...

I think I have the smallest bathroom legally allowed in North America.  Yes, on House Hunters International, one occasionally comes across those bathrooms where the shower is the room, with a drain hole right there in the middle of the floor.  Anyone with a bathroom like that can skip this post, since you have it worse than I do. I have a tub, a sink, a toilet, a mirror, a cupboard under the sink, and a few shelves.  No medicine cabinet.  The tub is too small for me to have a relaxing bath in, and I'm 5'4".  When I lived in a really old building in Forest Hill Village, I had a great old porcelain tub with a slanted back and room for two.  You could easily fit a basket of magazines and a glass of wine on the edge.  Whenever I get too nostalgic for that bathroom, I remind myself of the sink, which had those separate hot and cold taps, possibly the stupidest thing ever invented... There's really no room for anything in this bathroom, but the older I ...

Facts from my work life: I used to have a manager who had previously worked for Disney.  She referred to days as "sleeps", like you do to a 5-year-old waiting for Santa Claus. She used the term constantly, to adults in formal situations.  Like, "Only 4 sleeps until the CEO visits".  I shit you not. I work in one of those buildings. My current employee ID badge photo is the worst picture ever taken of anyone in the history of photography.  It was taken on a humid August day, so my long hair is quite frizzy.  I was a few pounds heavier back then. The flash on the camera was such that my makeup reads incredibly bright.  I call it my Clown Whore photo.  I would not show it to you for one million dollars and George Clooney's phone number.  I can't get rid of it, either.  If I "lose" my badge, they'd just make a new one with the stored photo.   Thanks, technology. I used to work for a VP so terrified of his boss that he'd literal...

On my walk to work today, two women, in front of different office buildings on Yonge st, nonchalantly flicked their still-lit cigarettes towards the street, and both almost hit me.  If only they knew how disgusting and filthy they were- oh wait, they do, because I told them both :) You may look cool, Bette, but if you throw that thing at me, I'll kick your ass. Supposedly only 21% of Ontarians smoke, but let me tell you, I walk past or behind most of them each weekday.  I'm constantly varying my speed to try to stay out of the clouds of smoke, especially if I've just washed my hair.  Sort of ruins my day to go from smelling like high end shampoo to an ashtray less than an hour out of the shower, you know? I walk behind them, but I also live below them.  The first thing I do each spring, before planting new herbs and flowers, is dig out the cigarette butts my upstairs neighbours have thoughtfully tossed over their balconies and into my plants.  And I have...

Okay, I know he's fictional, but Dennis Duffy was one of the funniest things on 30 Rock.  Because of this character, my friends and I started greeting each other with "Hey, dummy!" So, thanks for that. The 30 Rock St. Patrick's Day episode from 2012 is absolutely hilarious.  I noticed on the credits that it was written by someone called Colleen McGuinness.  I thought that was a joke too, since the name sounds like it came from one of those kinda offensive Irish Name Generator  sites -  but no, she's real, according to  IMDb . Let us now celebrate some of the finer points of Dennis Duffy: He was the Beeper King of New York (during the iPhone era)... A beeper and acid wash, in 2007. He solved New York's crippling coffee shortage with his machine at 38th and 6th in the basement of the K-Mart... He's a budding feminist... Aw, thanks, honey! He married Megan Duffy (no relation)... It's St. Patrick's Day?? And the quote that ma...

I live in a tiny condo, and I can't stand clutter.  The problem is,  I can also be a bit, well, let's say sloppy.  If I'm being honest, there are times where I've let the mess pile up until it's so embarrassingly bad that I wouldn't let the fire department in here if the building were burning down.  Generally, though, when it gets to the point where I can't find the TV remote,  I take action. Well, sort of.  I thought I was paring down my possessions, until it occurred to me that shoving unused stuff into my storage locker until it's so full the door barely shuts really doesn't count. I may actually need some guidance. A new approach to junk. But before committing to the idea of purging, I did some counting- do I really have too much stuff, or does it just feel that way because this place is so small?  Turns out, I have quite a few wine glasses.  That'd be ok, but I also have quite a few Champagne glasses (flutes and coupes), margarita glas...

They say revenge is a dish best served cold.  I'm sure this is true, but I run hot.  I'm sort of a human firecracker- burn hot, over quickly, and usually fun to watch.  Revenge in theory is appealing, but in practice, well, I've never been able to stay mad about something long enough to pull it off.  I can whip together a pretty good revenge fantasy , however. Also a dish best served cold.  Great, now I'm hungry...

The night before heading to the Bahamas a few weeks ago,  I spent a nice chunk of the evening doing what I always do before a beach vacation-  slapping on fake tanner. This is why: That'd be me, on the left. It is a frankly absurd thing to do, I know.  What in past centuries would have marked me as aristocratic now gets me comments about how I look like I don't go outside.  A guy I used to date said I looked like I was descended from a clan of Scottish cave people.  Nice.  Imagine going back in time and explaining to my ancestors that pale skin is not chic (but you still want to be white; ironic, non?) and we ultra-white ladies dye ourselves light brown (or, if you buy the cheap stuff, orange!) so we can go out in the summer and not offend people with our paleness. At the same time, plenty of Japanese girls buy skin lightener.  No one is content...