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Monday to Friday

Facts from my work life:


  • I used to have a manager who had previously worked for Disney.  She referred to days as "sleeps", like you do to a 5-year-old waiting for Santa Claus. She used the term constantly, to adults in formal situations.  Like, "Only 4 sleeps until the CEO visits".  I shit you not.
I work in one of those buildings.
  • My current employee ID badge photo is the worst picture ever taken of anyone in the history of photography.  It was taken on a humid August day, so my long hair is quite frizzy.  I was a few pounds heavier back then. The flash on the camera was such that my makeup reads incredibly bright.  I call it my Clown Whore photo.  I would not show it to you for one million dollars and George Clooney's phone number.  I can't get rid of it, either.  If I "lose" my badge, they'd just make a new one with the stored photo.  Thanks, technology.
  • I used to work for a VP so terrified of his boss that he'd literally spin around in his office saying "We're all going to get fired! We're all going to get fired"  while waving his hands in the air.
  • When I worked at a giant tech company, my coworkers and I all had "fuck it" jobs, that we'd imagine taking when things got too stressful.  The top choices were barista, personal shopper, and dog walker.  Mine was cashier.
  • A former boss would bring her kids to work and stick them in a storage room with bags of McDonald's and a Nintendo so she could work on the weekend.  And that's one of the least weird things about her.
  • I once worked at a bookstore for a manager who didn't know that Gone with the Wind had been a book before it was a movie.
Time to go buy that annual lottery ticket, I think...


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